Wednesday, September 14, 2005
guess i was jus feelin real real down these days...tryin 2 pick up myself...oh well...
ytd was shorthanded at papa stall...bought mooncakes fr TUNG LOK for them 2 eat...so i was busy at wk till time 2 go hm...tis is where all the nitemare came bah...whole family keep sayin i waste money take cab hm...gosh...cant they eva understand...my family...my ultimate base cant hold me...so wat i m suppose 2 do?
bf was too busy markin tuition homework n slp so tat he can watch football late at nite...so i was left real real alone...n he oso commented tat i was nt in a rite state of my mind so he dun wana talk 2 me...
so i jus took the rest of the mooncake n walk hm...yes on my way hm, i was lookin at da cars on da road n wanted 2 jus step out onto the road...mayb jus mayb a car can knock me down n i can haf a proper rest finally...i almost wana break down n cried at da roadside...but i ctrl...lucky there is someone for me...my 1st bf...talk 2 me...lend me sum comfort...listen 2 me...if nt i will be in sum hospital nw bah...
i m so weak...tat i fell down...suddenly my both legs jus collaspe...lucky i wasnt on da road...ya 1st bf said tat i shld go buy sum multivitamins wif irons bah...he was so so woried for me...onli him bah will go all ways out 2 help me...
whole nite my legs jus went numb...cant move...too cold n time jus pass till wee mornin...
tis mornin-->heard tat papa is nt feelin well...then heard tat my bro is takin MC again...the ting is tat my bro can every wk once take MC but i cant...n i nid 2 balance 2 jobs...so isit tat i cant cope or wat? so m i consider weak or a big failure...i reli so lost...
1st bf & me chatted till i finally felt calm n wana slp...he reminded me of a choice i oways wished...be a vampire...hav all the time in the whole which includes eternal life but loneliness...nw i tink i had changed...i wish for ability 2 stop the time...so i can take a short break n continue my journey w/o feelin lonely...
dun haf 2 wk 2day...nid 2 go buy farewell gift..but duno wat 2 do...so jus drag n drag myself till i collapse bah...ya feelin real down...n tis is the onli form of release bah...
cheyanne (>_<) last posted ; 10:28 AM