Friday, November 04, 2005
~4th Nov~
Well, ltr will be goin to sign my new job appt letter...then mit my insurance agent 2 sign my new policy...lookin 4ward 2 it...
Yup will oso be mitin des...but nt sure if can resolve anytin...oh well...oso nt sure if he will mit me too...n it is very very awkward 2 c him...argh!!!
~3rd Nov~
Suppose 2 go birdpark wif des...yup was in a turmoil cuz i duno whether i shld go...but was planned very long ago...n he wana go...so shall go n c c..but i duno hw 2 smile n pretend nth hav happen...so i did everytin...make honey for him 2 drink...pack snacks n even do sumtin 2 my hair...yes wif e excited yet unhapi...totally confused mood & waited patiently
haha...mayb reli fated...in da end he was busy n last min haf 2 go back n work...so i waited & waited...which he ask me to wait n he will go wif me...but eventually, he cant go wif me...yet he din wana mit me aft his tings...perhaps he juz wana make me giv up all hope on tis rn...
yes i hav told him tat i wana c him, he replied:"y u wana c me so badly?" duh...isnt it obvious...damn y would a person wana c another person...off course i wana talk tings out n miss him badly n i dun wan my rn 2 end lidat...hw can he lidat query me...goodness...guess it juz an one sided affair...he can juz throw away his luv 4 me lidat...or who cares whether he wana suppress it all but in his heart he stil luv me...y r there such ppl who can be so fake...reli i begin 2 get dishearted wif tis society...fake ppl whom is nided 4 survival in tis society...
hw can sum ppl forsake luv 4 others stuff in their life...i duno...i m a strong beliver tat luv is take up half of my everytin...b it luv for family..luv for myself n off course luv for the other most impt person of one's life...all tis keep me goin...a form motivation for everytin...wat the use if u got success n no one 2 share wif or when u r down n no one 2 share it wif u...be there for u...
i duno...dun tink will share anytin or keep my blog anymore...i will juz go back 2 writin my tots n feelings into my diary...i wont wana share cuz i dun wan 2 get hurt again...
~1st & 2nd Nov~
read my diary recently...guess i was too slow...i read tat he was givin all out in the rn but i was rather reserved...afraid of being hurt...wah even like a yr into our rn...i was still feelin unsure of revealing myself to him...
then i told myself all the time to reveal myself...goodness guess i was slow...when i giv myself...bare all my feelings to him n in da end he hurt me....or mayb he got tired putting so much effort n when i start to put in...he's too tired to carry on...but for me, i tink i will nv trust anyone again...will nv let anyone hurt me...even more protective...can even join my fren on being single for life...
joke is when u find sumone n assure urself finally tat "he is da one..." i can lean on him 4 life...i can spend my life wif him....n can be tog for beta or worst...he forsake me....yes it is nt consider the end of the world but tat reli hurts...yet i cant bring myself to hate him...n wanted him more...cuz i dun wan to abandon him when he is feelin so stressed up n lost now...yet i cant reach out to him as he dun let me...all tis turmoil hav make me lost hope n concentration in my everytin...jus like a parent who will wori for their kids no matter hw old they hav becum...as it is their responsibility...yes it hav be a responsibility for me too...cuz i wana be wif him...treat him as a life partner...but in da end...haiz...guess i shld jus close myself up...nv nv show myself to anyone anymore...reli go back into believin tat when u show ur true self too much...u will be vulnerable to hurt...n attacks...
nv will i learn to trust anyone ever...duno too miserable to talk abt anytin le...
cheyanne (>_<) last posted ; 2:15 PM